get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
