you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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