Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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