my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was CRYING into my vagina
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
