Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
