So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
