You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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