YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
