The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
