Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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