This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
