He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
