Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
