You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
