i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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