i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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