Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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