how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
