So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
