You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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