my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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