p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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