worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
