1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
