Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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