This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
