Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
