Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
