he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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