Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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