She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
