thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
