I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
