i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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