so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
