He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
