Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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