Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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