Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
