cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
