The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
