Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
