First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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