Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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