Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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