You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i dont even know how to be here
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
