In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
