Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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