I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
