My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need to wash the frat house off of me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
