dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Your dad touched me again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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