i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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