textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
