did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
